I am writing this first post on a plane, coming home from a time in Indonesia, where I worked on a theatre project in the ARTJOG festival, Indonesia’s most significant international arts festival held each year in Jogjakarta with my long time collaborators Mainteater in Bandung. Then, after the project finished I stayed in Amed, Bali for a week to work on my new business and focus on myself.

We had worked for several years on the project which we performed in Artjog, much of it online during covid lockdowns between our two countries Indonesia and Australia, and then earlier this year where we held a stage of development of the work in Bandung. Performance, theatre and art are important aspects of my work and life.

But over the last few years and particularly the past 6 months I have been focusing on my personal healing and transformation, and as a result have been opening up into different areas of my life. I have been through a process of diagnosis of childhood CPTSD and ADHD, which are probably related, and have felt called to starting to share about this and my healing journey. I am not sure where it will go, but I will keep sharing as I go.  

And part of this journey is finding financial freedom. I started a shop on Etsy in May this year, and now, finally, I am opening this site, with a shop also. Botanic Mystic. Because the botanic world gives us love and guidance in many forms if we listen. And listening is what makes us mystical.

Something about writing this blog, connecting it to an online shop feels freeing. I mean it has been a lot of work. And it is just starting. But it feels like getting a vehicle up which I can then drive.

After Artjog, I stayed in Amed in Bali, in a beautiful place, where I worked on my new business, created new artworks, and working on a theatre script for a performance next year. I was very excited to put my first physical art pieces in my Etsy shop, not prints of my work which I had put up a month or so ago, but handmade art pieces. Making them creates such a feeling of peace in me. Gorgeous works on transparent papers with metallic and flouro pigmented highlights against fine quality black card. Starting as prints, cards, gift tags and bookmarks. Creating with a calming grace, so that the process is healing for me as well as something I can share with others. It is incredibly exciting for me to explore this avenue of supporting myself, but also as a platform to talk about the aspects of my life which I have been uncovering. Childhood trauma, healing and spirituality. Growing up with a mother on the autism spectrum who was highly traumatised and as a result violent. My understanding of neurodiversity opening up, after a number of years of coaching and mentoring people on the autism spectrum. My own recent diagnosis of ADHD and CPTSD. And then going beyond that, to live from our soul, in oneness, whoever we are.

I have had many aspects of my life suddenly make sense, where as before I was flailing, even while many people saw me as a high achiever. I don’t necessarily think diagnosis is a good thing, indeed it can be limiting when we become boxed by a perception of diagnosis. But for me, after silently struggling with so many aspects of my life, having a diagnosis has helped me have compassion for myself and to find power in myself and freedom in my voice.

For a long time I have felt stifled, like I can’t talk about my experiences. But now I feel prompted to open up my voice, to speak about things I couldn’t before. To uncover what has been holding me back, to finally acknowledge the masking I have done for so long, masking a term which is so well known to those on the neuro-diverse spectrums. As we do it a lot to fit in, to be normal, and in the process we silence our unique selves.

This time in Amed really gave me a sense of what is possible. Of how I want to live. I no longer can work for others. I want to be free to arrange my time as I want and find my natural productivity within that. There was a natural rhythm to my days in Amed that left me feeling peace and calm, and very productive. I am going to keep following this way, and see how it unfolds. I am mentoring, which I love, and I don’t do too many hours, I choose that, but it supports me to have enough leeway to keep healing, to raise my vibration as I go and to open up new avenues for myself to explore life.

I imagine I will write posts which alternate between reflections on ADHD, trauma, art, religion, entrepreneurship, neurodiversity, spirituality, expansion and anything else.

I would like to sometimes interview others, who are inspiring to me.

You are welcome to join me on this journey. Please check out my shop, it will keep evolving. Your support is always appreciated so I can continue to share my journey. And I would love to hear from you with any comments.

And please enjoy the photos of art works I created in Bali, and of our project in Artjog.